This is something I have written over the past couple of days. First as a stream of conciousness and then with some considered editing. It is a huge concept and I have purposefully kept myself to the utter bare minimum of content where in truth I could expand this into a book citing various influences, referencing and attempts to employ allegories and models to further express my ideologies.
The aim here is to find the core of my beliefs and so give myself something to easily access and express, consider and most importantly – reconsider. It seems impossible (and probably rightly so) to verbalise the core of my belief system and yet occasionally I feel compelled to try. My posting it here isn’t to tell anyone I am right or indeed to try and bring anyone ’round to my way of thinking’, but to externalise it so that I might share with those I love and respect and enjoy discussing and assimilating everyone’s ideas. Because if anyone thinks they have it ‘all worked out’ they are instantly in trouble by my estimation. The universe is in flux and the only true constant is constant change. We must build on our ideas and be challenged, evolve adapt and overcome.
I have tagged a few friends that I thought may perhaps be interested but please read it or ignore it as you see fit. There are limits on how many can be tagged so feel free to pass it on as/if you see fit also. This is really just an exercise in ensuring those I would really like to read it don’t miss it.
I most sincerely mean this in no way as a mark of arrogance. I DO NOT think I have constructed something clever or special here. There are paradoxes and inconsistencies, there is sometimes poor grammar and often that which makes utter sense to me will not doubt appear as gibberish to others. Again, rightly so. I am trying to express the inexpressible and as such flaws are inevitable. Fittingly, the same appears to be true of all things in the sensible world, including myself. Yet we are perfect in our imperfection so perhaps that gives me some hope that this was worth writing.
So with humility and love, here are some of the ramblings of a madman. All the Love to you all.
Belief – the Creator
The mind is fractured and imperfect in its creation of the self; in its creation of itself. The Mind creates the mind and in doing so it confuses itself as to the reality of its situation, the cause of its situation, and the purpose of its situation. The Mind, the creator, God, conceived in an abstract manner and in doing so came into Being when all was but Void, the Goddess. This happened because it has happened. There is no singular continuum, there is only, as is, and this encompasses all of spacetime. The concept of linear time is a subjective idea that gives the ego perspective. But in truth all of spacetime simply – Is – and what we perceive as time is merely an expression of our Path through It.
Hierarchal levels of ‘real’ are intriguing and valuing various levels of reality as higher or lower, more or less real, has some validity subjectively but it all falls into one stuff, the ‘Isness’; all these realities at a base level Are in some sense, and in that manner at the very least are connected and linked.
Belief therefore is all that we can use to make judgments. There may be knowledge, indeed we may know the Truth, in fact and in practice, but we cannot KNOW we know – only BELIEVE we know and be correct in that assumption. Belief gives foundation to being. Indeed faith creates, because our beliefs construct our worldview, our reality-tunnel, our only measure of being.
Fear – the Destroyer
Our Fear is our doubt in our faith. We always stare into the great unknown. All we grasp is unknown. We are the explorers of our own reality but we collect the experience for the Whole not the individual, for the collective unconsciousness, for Mind, for God. So we feel alone because we do not know we are not alone and this is bleak, sad and scary.
But we can have Faith in Other, each other, in God (creation) and in the Goddess (potential) as we must have faith in all things. Faith in people and in faith providence, faith in ourselves and in our experience: faith in being a creature of faith. Because Fear is a paradox and serves no end other than the propagation of fear. Fear begets fear and so the downward spiral begins, and if we allow it (and we will) it consumes us and drags to the Abyss.
Paradise Lost – the Abyss
Fear breeds fear and the fear deepens and broadens. Were the entirety of Mind, the Oversoul, to be afraid, Hell would exist and without question on some ‘level’, Hell is graspable, conceivable and thereby does indeed exist. And it is there, in the Abyss, where minds become broken and deformed. This is the Way of Fear.
The ego, by nature of its limited and finite being, cannot understand that absolute fear and total, infinite despair cannot destroy us. The Abyss is not Void. Void is peace. Void is the infinite potential of non-being. The Godess. The Abyss requires the descent of the ego through the downward spiral to define Its horrors; the ego must prevail to ‘realise’ the Fall. Perhaps I am Satan? My own enemy. Hell is my domain. If I can fall, then I can rise again. And fall, and rise, and fall again until hell has no power over me because hope and will have gifted me the greatest power of all. The power to defeat The Enemy: because I can have no enemy if I Love. Not limited love, which has its own power, but total and utter unconditional Love. Love conquers All.
The Will to Overcome – Love conquers All
So both Heaven and Hell exist in my mind. And “the mind is its own place, and in itself, can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven.” Milton (1667).
As a creature of Faith I have torn asunder the peace of total Oneness and fractured Mind so that I can understand. So that I can understand why we are here and why we must return to the Void: to experience the state of peace AND to have understanding and awareness of that Peace. I am here to experience nature, to experience Nature, to experience our True Nature, a wondrous and beautiful thing that can only be achieved with perspective. Because if the eternal question is ‘why are we here?’ The answer is Love.
We have sacrificed our True Nature and suffered torment, pain and death. We must, we will, forgive ourselves for this arrogance and the pain it has caused ourselves and all others. We must (we will) deliver ourselves from anger, and pain, and torment, and suffering, and fear and we must (we will) heal that which has been torn asunder. If we continue to blame other, blame our neighbours, blame providence, blame fate, blame God, blame luck or blame chaos – whichever label we use to externalise events that appears out of the ego’s control – we will perpetuate negativity and so self-fulfill doom for yet another shard of the Crystal, another strand of the Web of Wyrd. There is but One Path. One Salvation. One Way. Love.
If we accept that we are all One and realise that this means despite the illusion of our ego we are one with Nature, our True Nature; one with the God/Goddess, the Oversoul. If we take on the responsibility of the Fall, not as an ego, or a self, but as an Entirety. Then we can be Love. Not practice love but Be Love. Let Love inform all we do and be all we do and dance a new spiral into blissful ecstasy. Stop trying to change the world from the outside in but change the world from the inside out. Accept that we are all things and love all things. Embrace everything. Hold everything together with Love, and Faith in that Love, because Love is Nature’s true bond. When all things become bonded in Love, genuine Harmony persists, like the vibration and reverberation of the One True Voice, of purity and light, a never ending waveform of perpetual immanence, constant and at rest through all things. Bliss and peace are (t)here. This is the End to which all other ends lead. Eudaimonia.
In Conclusion – The End (beautiful friend)
Hell? The Abyss? Fear? True Fear. They exist. I have been there: By force and then since by choice. I have looked the darkest dæmons, in the recesses of my terror, in their very cold, dead and singular eye. And if Fear is to be my fate I will have it on my terms. I will be baptized by fire, and water, and earth, and air and I will Fear until there is Fear no longer. I strive to humbly accept all my pain, all my woes and all my misfortunes. To embrace my Fear and love it too. As I love all darkness in the Heart of Mind. I Love and that is my power: a transformative power that frees me from the restraints of shunning the dark. For if all is One, and I am All, and All I am is Love, then there is nothing to fear. Ever. That is the power of choice, the power of will, the power of Love.
I Will Be. I Will Be because I Am. I am afraid because I Am. And I will overcome because I Will it. I have Faith that I will rest in peace, once more, in the womb of the Goddess Void. That is the End. That is what I believe and I have Faith that it is true. I will seek to rebuild my world as Love and I do so not for my self but for us All.
But one person, one will alone, cannot change the world entirely I am so often told. Such ideologies are unrealistic. There are indeed, as long as we believe them to be so. Well I believe that it is possible and I am not alone. And by believing it to be possible I make it so – in part. I will do my part of the Whole and accept that although it may not always seem it, everyone is playing their part also. That is all I can ask of myself. I believe in paradise for us all. I believe that it is the End to which all other ends lead and as such is unavoidable and inevitable. I believe at some point in spacetime it has indeed come to Be, and there is only a question of how and when we get there. And for my part. If I can live, knowing I have done my part. I will be content.
For those that know me. You probably know that this is indeed what I desire and the what I expect of myself. You will also know that I fail. Time and time again I act out of fear and not love. Despite my most sincere intentions I fall short. I fall. I fail. But I will forgive my failings because my failings are a part of my Path and a part of the Way: a part of the Whole. We must forgive what we perceive to be our failings just as we must forgive what we perceive to be the failings of those around us. That is what it means to Love.
Remember, no matter how often we fail, or how far we fall: we only need to succeed once.
Et in arcadia ego
April 2, 2011 @ 2:54 am
Omnia vincit amor
April 2, 2011 @ 2:55 am
indeed it does… x ♥ x
April 2, 2011 @ 2:57 am
April 2, 2011 @ 2:59 am
Beautiful. My friend, thats amazing, inspirational, so well articulated, i enjoyed the journey.
Last night i taught a 1 to 1 hoop class with a girl. As we left we were talking and i was telling her of some of my adventures. She stopped walking and looked at me. She said ‘i wish i could be you, you’re great, you’re life is great’ the admiration in her eyes was the same look i had years before for people i had aspired to be like, for people who inspired me to change. I smiled and said she was me, and could be me, and that 5 years ago i was the most miserable, uninspired, unhappy and unwell person on the earth. I advised she send out positivity and love and that it would come back to her. That she could be anything she wanted to be. That if i could do it anyone could.
I think thats the key. We all have the power to change ourselves, and inspire change in others. We just have to believe, intentionalise and realise.
Living the dream.
Much love, dear friend x
April 2, 2011 @ 3:01 am
Good for you pet. Keep spreading the Word 😉 xx
April 2, 2011 @ 3:07 am
I’ve been putting off writing my thoughts down on this, I tend to prefer to let things gestate before coming back on anything as personal and as wonderful as the above. I love the fact that I’d enjoy a night chatting about each sentence, but after taking time with my ole moon perhaps it is more in the spirit of what I perceived your meaning by taking my big shadows by the hand and showing them to a comfy place. How odd…I’m nervous, wow I must be doing the right thing. 🙂
To tumble and fall, to plummet and fall and fall. That word, fall. It follows me, reminding me that when i am at my most vunerable, when I am most alone that I am beside my fellows, however they must see me. To me it is how the dust is cleared from my gaps; dogma, desperation, my malformed soul allowed to breathe just enough to let some new life in.
But how I wish I could let go of these sad truths around me. Division, tribalism, trolling. A spiderweb of minds all banging off each others’ hearts to say what? “I did it for the lulz”? Well intentioned minds casually throwing words like chav and lower classes (in the guardian today…THE FUCKING GUARDIAN!) without acknowledging that somehow they have looked over a life, a breathing functioning creature of their own species, labeled them for consumption and wonder why they cannot help to stab each other in public parks. Why can I not shake this feeling that this life is just one step from being, too horrible to bear. Pulped souls, fed on aspirations packaged by a corporation.
I think the reason I left this for so long despite thinking about it was because this jumped into my head.
I would ask you to look at the third post, by of course, ‘the toolshed’.
I can’t even read it anymore. I can’t even believe I wrote it anymore. I fall and I fall and I pray for understanding of as many sides of every situation as my brain can withstand and all I feel is more sorrow. So I fall some more and sometimes the wind gets so loud, sometimes it seems so dark and i can’t see my way back and I wonder if I’m doing anyone any good at all? I dream of paradise, I really do. Where there is no need to prove anything to anyone, where we can all be seen for the honourable knights we all are. And even now I can’t help crying, who am I to dream of paradise when I wonder of those people in the world who have only had a fractured mirror to see themselves with? Who am I to hate? And thats the crux of it, I felt something last month, something I haven’t felt in a reeeeeeally long time. Honest to god rage. Bonafide anger, standing having a smoke – staring into space and thinking about someone fairly incidental to my life. If I was of the more spiritually orientated nature I would say I feel like i’m under psychic attack 🙂 I’m obbsessed with hating this spoilt, selfesh, fool. Who would be only that, except he *controls* truth. Not in any direct way, not in any sense of BIG SCARY CONTROL PANEL but in pushing out what he believes to be truth, poisonous concepts built on maintaining his lifestyle, at the cost of others. And there he is, online, spouting this stuff. Shifting the view of the centre and what is acceptable to witness on our fellow man. Think more Rush Limbaugh than O’ Reilly. And what if he wins, what if he pushes his concepts to the someone capable of forming them into solid ideologies? And already, here I am, entrenched in a conversation framed to meet his needs. Separation, isolation, tribal. And my love, my all conquering love, my old familiar friend seems so poisoned by his presence. I cannot love him, I’m so sorry to me that I cannot love him. I cannot reconcile that. To extend him love is to extend permission for those ideas to continue to have energy in my presence and that breaks my heart. That I am beaten on the idea based plane, that my imagination finds these ideas so dreary, so uninspired, so completely lacking…is this life so founded on division that we need spiritual warriors to watch our backs? Is the ‘whole’ the complete fucking truth bastardin concept of truth worth being complete to include things, things that are not helpful or damaging? And can these conversations, these rounds and rounds of conversation lead anywhere where disrespect is central to the philosophy? And is it possibly the filthy mark on all our hearts? Or is it, as you say, something like the mind that just is, does it create itself as naturally as our hair or is it a reaction to others being just so bloody ‘otherly’? 🙂 And so on and so forth it goes. Sorry for the big emo dump – fret not, I’ve new shiny poppers and some fairly decent porn and a smoke to finish.
Peace be with you sir. x
April 2, 2011 @ 3:09 am
Brilliant! Seasonal greetings by the way